EYN#065: Listening: aka Just Waiting To Speak

 You're a smart, subject matter expert.  Your value is bringing that knowledge to your colleagues and customers. 

So, when you're talking about your favourite topic, whilst your customer is talking, it can be tempting to just wait to speak.  Then drop your wisdom.  Boom!

Don't.

Just waiting to speak lowers your impact.  You miss things.  Then when you do speak you use the wrong language, you're less relevant and don't connect.

You need to do some active listening.

Active Listening Benefits

There are loads of good reasons.  Here's a few floating near the top of my mind:

• Achieve greater success.
• Understand your stakeholders.
• Build empathy, connections and relationships.
• Gain clarity on problems and challenges.
• Gather insight of what stakeholders hope to achieve.

To be successful you need to thrive with other humans.  A skill that YOU CAN develop.  Here's a quick guide to building your listening skills.

Actually Pay Attention 

This is the foundation of all others.  You need to actually pay attention, focus and concentrate.  That can be tough in our hyper connected, hyper stimulated world.

Set yourself up for success.  Remove some of the things that will hinder you.  Like …

• Phone notifications chirping every few minutes. 
• Chat messages and emails when on video calls.  I can see you typing in chat.
• A TV screen playing right in your eyeline.

Remove distractions and focus on the speaker.

Show You're Listening

Not only do you need to be actually listening, but you can actively show the person you're listening.    Don't overdo it, but make eye contact, occasionally nod your head and make a few "uh hu" listening noises.  It helps people know you're listening.  Pay attention and outwardly show them you're listening.

Mirror The Energy

If someone is telling you something super exciting, they will be more animated in their delivery.  Match that energy with the way you show you're listening.

If someone is telling you something very serious and heartfelt, grinning like a cheshire cat and waving your hands like a loon doesn't help. 

Mirror the energy that is being shared with you.  It helps the speaker feel like you are on the same wavelength as them.

Clarify

Ask pertinent questions at relevant times.  It helps make the interaction into more of a conversation and less of a monologue.  It shows people you are paying attention, it injects some energy and makes the speaker feel they're being heard.

Not only that, but it helps you get clarity on some of the finer details.

Summarise

Hearing something, internalising it and playing it back really helps you remember and recall it.  Not only does it help it sink it, it outwardly shows people that they have been heard and understood.

Say something like  "Can I just play this back to you to make sure I understand it?", then briefly summarise what they’ve said.

Communicate

Then when it’s your turn to speak, use everything you've learnt.  Don't fall into the typical corporate spiel.

• Use and mirror language your customer used. 
• Choose examples and stories that are relevant to what they said.
• Focus on the things causing them most pain.

Active Listening gives you gold. Use it to help achieve your goals.

Don't just wait to speak.

• Actually Pay Attention
• Show You're Listening
• Mirror The Energy
• Clarify
• Summarise

Then use the gold when you communicate.

Hope this helps

Ben